The Art of Doing Nothing Why learning to rest might be one of the hardest things you ever do

I lost 2 hours of my life and I didn't even realise.

I was sitting in the garden with a cup of tea, the sun was shining, and for once, I wasn't doing anything.

And I mean nothing.

I wasn't working or writing or cleaning or cooking or talking to anyone. I wasn't thinking about what I needed to do next. I was just sitting there, drinking my tea and enjoying the sunshine. And somehow, two hours disappeared.

I completely lost track of time.

And I remember thinking:

Oh my God. I actually relaxed. And the most important thing, I didn't feel guilty about it.

That might sound ridiculous to some people. But if you've spent most of your life believing that being productive is what makes you worthy, learning to do absolutely nothing can feel surprisingly fucking difficult.

I used to think doing nothing meant I was lazy

For most of my life, I struggled to switch off.

Even when I was technically relaxing, there was usually a little voice in the back of my head reminding me of everything else I could be doing.

I'd sit down with a cup of tea and think, "I could be cleaning."

I'd watch something and think, "I should really be working."

I'd try to read a book and think, "I've got so much else to do."

I'd take some time off and feel guilty for it. Or the thoughts would get so loud that I would have to stop and do something else to be "productive".

Why? Because somewhere along the way, I'd created this belief:

If I'm not doing something, I'm being lazy.

And most interestingly, underneath that was something much deeper.

If I'm not doing something, I'm not worthy.

I always had to be achieving something - whether it was creating, helping someone or doing cleaning, I was always on the move. I always felt that if I stopped, surely everything would stop too.

I just remembered while typing this: My dad used to say, "I will rest when I'm dead!" No wonder that I was like this; his story became my story.

And perhaps you've had a version of this yourself. Maybe you're the woman who can't sit down without reaching for her phone. Maybe you take a holiday but spend half of it answering emails. Maybe you lie on the beach while mentally organising your entire life. Maybe you finally get an evening to yourself and spend it feeling guilty about everything you should be doing.

Technically, you're resting. On the outside, but internally? You're still running.

There is a difference between relaxing and actually resting

This is something I've become much more aware of recently.

You can do something relaxing without actually allowing yourself to relax.

You can read a book while thinking about work. You can watch television while mentally making tomorrow's to-do list. You can sit in the sunshine while feeling guilty that you're not being productive.

Your body might be sitting still, but your mind is still saying:

We should be doing something.

And I think this is where our relationship with rest gets really interesting, because perhaps the problem isn't that we don't know how to rest. Perhaps we've never learned how to feel safe while we're resting.

If your entire identity has been built around doing, achieving, producing and proving yourself, stopping can feel strangely uncomfortable. Because when you stop, there is suddenly nothing to prove.

And here's what I've noticed with so many women I work with. They're doing the affirmations, the visualisations, the journalling. They're doing everything right. But underneath it all, their nervous system is still running the old programme. Still believing they have to earn good things. Still believing that stopping means falling behind. And a nervous system that doesn't feel safe to rest cannot feel safe to receive either. The manifestation isn't blocked because the Universe forgot about them. It's blocked because their body is still braced.

Have you ever noticed what happens when you finally go on holiday?

There's another thing I've experienced myself, and I wonder if you've noticed it too.

You finally take some time off. You've been working your arse off. You're exhausted. And you count down the days until your holiday.

And then ... BOOM ... You get ill.

A cold, a headache or something else. Or even feel like you've been hit by a bus the second you finally stop.

Now, I'm not saying every holiday illness is caused by your nervous system. Sometimes you simply picked up a virus, you're travelling, you're sleeping differently or your body is catching up with you.

But there is an interesting phenomenon often called leisure sickness, where some people experience physical symptoms when they finally step away from work and enter periods of rest.

And I personally think it's worth paying attention to the pattern.

Because if your body has spent months running on adrenaline, pressure and constant stimulation, it makes sense that stepping away might feel very different from what you expected.

You don't necessarily go from busy → instantly relaxed, we not robots where you can switch it on and off.

Sometimes there is a transition period and let's be honest, sometimes that transition feels fucking uncomfortable.

Your nervous system doesn't just need calm. It needs flexibility.

This is something I've been learning through my own work.

Nervous-system regulation isn't about becoming someone who is calm all the time, that's impossible, we are humans. Life is going to happen no matter what we do (and if anyone tell you otherwise, they are not being honest). You are going to get stressed. You are going to have difficult conversations. You are going to have deadlines and you are absolutely going to have moments where you need to take action.

The goal isn't to eliminate activation; the goal is to develop the capacity to move between states. And find the right balance.

To be able to work and then stop. To take action and then recover. To be productive and then rest.

To experience uncertainty without immediately trying to control everything.

Because if you can only feel okay when you're busy, productive and achieving something, that's not really freedom. That's another form of conditioning.

Sometimes stepping away gives you the perspective you've been trying to think your way into

And there's another reason I think rest matters so much.

When we're constantly doing, everything can feel urgent. Any problem feels enormous, a decision feels impossible or whatever you are struggling with feels like it needs to be solved right now.

But then you step away, you sleep, go for a walk or do something to take time away from it and puff, the fog clears and it becomes clearer.

You come back and think, "Oh. It's actually not that complicated." or "That's not even the real problem." or "I know what I need to do."

Remember, the answer isn't found by thinking harder. Sometimes you just need enough space to see it differently.

And please don't turn rest into another thing you have to achieve

This is important.

Because I can already imagine some of you reading this thinking: Right. I need to start regulating my nervous system, I'll meditate every morning. I'll schedule my rest. I'll track how relaxed I feel. I'll do 20 minutes of nervous-system work every day.

Please don't. 😂

We have a habit of turning absolutely everything into another fucking task. We are not robots. You don't need to become better at resting. You don't need to optimise your downtime. You don't need to have the perfect morning routine. You don't need to go on a two-week holiday and you absolutely don't need to sit and do nothing.

Do whatever works for YOU. Read a book. Have a bath. Go for a slow walk. Sit outside. Listen to music. Drink your favourite drink without scrolling your phone or have a cup of tea.

Or, if you want to do absolutely fuck all.

The important part isn't necessarily what you're doing. It's whether you're allowing yourself to be there without mentally beating yourself up for not doing something else. All the expectations are stories we created; if you notice them, you can change them.

Resting without guilt is a completely different experience

So I could have sat in that garden for two hours while thinking: I should be writing. I should be cleaning. I should be doing something useful.

And technically, I would still have been sitting in the sunshine, but it wouldn't have been rest.

Because my body would have been there and my mind would have been somewhere else.

This time, I gave myself permission to actually be there. And that tiny shift felt enormous, because I wasn't simply taking time off. I was no longer feeling like I had to earn it.

And perhaps that's the deeper belief we need to question.

Why do we believe rest has to be earned?

Why do we believe productivity makes us worthy?

Why do we feel guilty when we're not achieving?

Who taught us that being busy means we're doing life correctly?

And what would happen if you stopped believing it?

You don't have to go on holiday to practise this

I'm not suggesting you book a flight tomorrow. Although if you want to, I'm certainly not going to stop you. 😂 At least, please DM and tell me all about it.

Instead, I want you to find a tiny pocket of time in your normal week. It could be twenty minutes, thirty minutes or an hour if you can. And I want you to deliberately not fill it with something productive. Do whatever works for you - sit outside, make a cup of tea, read, lie down, go for a walk, sit on the beach or simply look at the sky. Do something you enjoy.

And then notice what happens inside you.

Do you immediately feel guilty?

Do you start thinking about everything you should be doing?

Do you feel restless?

Do you reach for your phone?

Do you suddenly remember seventeen things that need doing?

Don't judge any of it, just notice. Be curious, because that is information. And you might discover that the hardest part of resting isn't actually stopping. It's giving yourself permission to stop.

So I'm giving you permission

You don't have to finish everything first. You don't have to earn your rest. You don't have to prove that you've worked hard enough. You don't have to justify sitting in the sunshine with a cup of tea. You don't have to be productive every minute of every day to be worthy.

You are allowed to stop. You are allowed to have pockets of your life where nothing is being achieved.

And maybe, just maybe, those moments aren't wasted time. Maybe they're where your body finally gets to catch up with you. Maybe they're where your mind gets enough space to see clearly. Maybe they're where you remember that you are a human being, not a fucking productivity machine. Because perhaps the goal isn't to become better at doing more.

Perhaps it's becoming someone who knows when enough is enough.

And honestly? I think I'm going to practice this more often and will be aiming to get pretty good at doing nothing. 😂

With love,

Kate x

If you've enjoyed this article, you might also enjoy reading The Unexpected Side Effects of Healing, where I explore how changing one part of your life can quietly change everything else.

If this resonated and you're curious what's specifically been blocking your manifestation, that's exactly what we explore together. I'm currently creating something that will help you discover it, step by step. Watch this space.